Vote for Relena! NO! VOTE FOR DUO!
by Faye My Funny Valentine
Summary: A response to a fanfic challenge involving an election-based theme. (Re-uploaded... hate me yet? You will...)


I usually don't do fanfic challenges, but this one caught my eye. Here goes nothin'....  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing!!! (too bad...)  
Warnings: Language  
Notes: Alternate Universe  
  
  
"Vote For Relena! NO! Vote For DUO!"  
by Shinigami Baby  
  
  
**MONDAY**  
  
Duo Maxwell stood in the lunch line and sighed. Meatloaf again... Why couldn't it be burrito day? Ah... the last Jell-O... Duo reached out for the coveted cup of purple jiggle-ness topped with a spoonful of whipping cream, only to see the perfect vision of gelatin stolen right before his eyes. Violet pools traced up the pink sweatshirt, past the pastel yellow scarf and into the face of his bitter rival.  
  
Relena Peacecraft.  
  
"Grr..." Duo growled quietly as he grabbed for one of the 2-day-old cookies instead.  
  
A spotlight seemed to shine on Relena as she giggled at her admirers' words of worship and adoration.   
  
"Oh Relena-sama!"  
  
"Let me get that for you, Relena-sama!"  
  
"Relena-sama, come sit at MY table!"  
  
"Relena-sama..."  
  
Duo only rolled his wide violet eyes and stormed over to the table he frequented at lunch, dropping hs tray onto it with a clacking sound.  
  
Wufei looked up from his History book through his thin reading glasses and arched an elegant eyebrow. Behind him a group of girls sighed. Wufei sweatdropped. Why did he have to be so bishounen?! WHY!? He pulled some of his shoulder-length black hair behind one ear and closed his book, examining his friend carefully. "Duo, what happened in the lunch line? You were perfectly fine before."  
  
Duo muttered every curse word in the English language under his breath.  
  
"Do you resent Meatloaf that much?" Wufei asked curiously.  
  
Duo only glared at him.  
  
"That's why I BRING a lunch to school." Wufei waved around his Hello Kitty lunchbox.  
  
"That's not my problem, Wu-man."  
  
"So what IS?" Wufei rested his chin on his hands.  
  
Duo pointed behind Wufei. "SHE is."  
  
Wufei quickly turned around. "Peacecraft?"  
  
Duo nodded. "She's such a stuck up BITCH! Do you know what she did?!"  
  
Wufei sighed, taking off his glasses and wiping them with the bottom of his shirt. "What did she do THIS time?"  
  
Duo and Relena had been rivals since the third grade... they were seniors in highschool now and the bitterness between them had only gotten less bearable.   
  
"She took the last Jell-O." Duo muttered.  
  
Wufei sweatdropped. "The last Jell-O? That's IT?"  
  
Duo looked at his friend in shock. "It was GRAPE!"  
  
"And...?"  
  
Duo stood up, a single finger raised in the air as if he were giving the speech of his life. "And the school NEVER sells Grape Jell-O! It's always that green shit. Grape Jell-O in the cafeteria is a once in a lifetime moment... and that BITCH STOLE MY MOMENT!"  
  
Wufei shrugged and placed a hand on Duo's shoulder, pulling him back down. "If Jell-O is all you're worried about, then we can just make some afterschool at my house."  
  
Duo pouted. "It's just not the same..."  
  
Wufei patted his friend's back comfortingly. "Daijoubu..."  
  
"I'll get her back... she won't even see it coming." Duo promised as he quickly ate his lunch.  
  
  
Later on in class...  
  
"...Hirde Schbieker 57..."  
  
"YES! 57! I PASSED!" Hirde shouted happily as her test was handed to her.  
  
Dorothy grabbed Hirde's hand and pulled her back into her seat before she made more of an ass out of herself. "A 57 isn't passing, retard." The forked-eyebrowed girl said softly.  
  
"I-it's not?!" Hirde was in a state of shock.  
  
Dorothy shook her head. "Nope."  
  
Hirde threw her test into the air. "My old man's gonna KILL me!"  
  
"If only..." A few people muttered at the same time, quite shocked that they had done so.  
  
Hirde poked the boy infront of her. "Quatre, did you say something?"  
  
"Uh, I said 'It's lonely'... yeah, that's right." The blonde Arabian said quickly.  
  
"What's lonely?" Hirde asked.  
  
"The..um....uh...." Quatre was caught.  
  
"The desert." A deep voice across from Quatre said quietly. Trowa Barton turned around to face Hirde. His little koi was an awful liar, so Trowa always had to cover for him. "The desert is lonely."  
  
"Oh... okay." Hirde said. "...why is the desert lonely?"  
  
"Because-"  
  
"Because during the summers, Quatre goes to see his family at his desert estate and I visit the circus to see my sister. So he gets lonely." Trowa said with a straight face... which is how he said everything. Even at his most romantic. Which upset Quatre to no end.  
  
~flashback to last night~  
  
Quatre looked up at Trowa and sighed. Sure, their sex life was fun... but poor something always bothered poor little Quatre: the fact that Trowa's facial expression NEVER changed.  
  
"It wouldn't kill you to LOOK horny!"  
  
Trowa loked down at him, shrugged, and resumed his ... err, activities. *sweatdrop*  
  
~return to the present~  
  
"Oh okay. Sorry it's lonely, Quatre-chan." Hirde said, patting his shoulder.  
  
Quatre shrugged her hand off as he recieved his test.   
  
Po-sensei reached the last student, sitting up in the front of the class. "...and Chang Wufei gets another 100. Omedeto, Wufei."  
  
Wufei blushed. 'Onna no baka' he thought, taking his test. He looked it over a few times. 'I thought I got that one wrong... why is there a check mark next to it?' He wondered. He looked questioningly at his teacher, who winked in return. 'KUSO! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO BISHOUNEN!?' Wufei screamed in his mind.  
  
  
After class...  
  
Duo slung his bag over his shoulder and waited for Wufei at his locker. "Where is that baka?" Duo asked no one in paticular. Suddenly, two hands quickly clamped themselves onto Duo's shoulders. "GYAAAAAGH!" Duo shrieked and threw the owner of the offending hands over his shoulder... and smack into the lockers.  
  
"MAXWELL!" Wufei howled from his position on the floor.  
  
"Shit, my bad, Wu-man!" Duo went to help his friend up, but a flock of shoujo were there to do the job for him.  
  
Wufei quickly backed away from the vultures...err girls quickly and picked his things up from the floor. "MINDLESS DRONES! GO AWAY!!" He shouted to his fan club.  
  
The shoujo flock scattered... they'd just see him again tomorrow anyway.  
  
Wufei brushed imaginary girl cooties from his clothing. "Why do I have to be so bishounen?!" He whined.  
  
Duo shrugged. "So, I heard you got a 100 on that test." He nudged his friend in the side.  
  
Wufei swatted his hand away. "Urusai!"  
  
"Aww, we all know that Po-sensei has a crush on ya, Wuffy." Duo teased.  
  
Wufei turned bright red and put his things in his locker. "Silence."  
  
"C'mon Wu-chan..." Duo playfully glomped onto his friend and did his impression of their horny teacher. "Omedeto Wufei-sama... why don't you come over here and sit in sensei's lap? I'll show you how to REALLY make the grade... Mrrowwrrrrr..."  
  
"MAXWELL NO BAKA! Remove yourself from my person immediately!" Wufei squirmed cutely under Duo's grip, causing both boys to fall not-so-gracefully to the floor with a resounding THUD.  
  
All eyes were on the two boys wrapped around eachother in a rather compromising position on the floor. Duo took it all in with a giggle, but as for Wufei... well... he had a little bit of a nosebleed.  
  
"You're so funny, Wu-man..." Duo said as the pair exited the school out to the parking lot.  
  
"Urusai..."  
  
"Wish I had a camera, you were blushing soooo bad."  
  
"Urusai..."  
  
"...and that nosebleed!"  
  
"MAXWELL!"  
  
Duo raised his hands in an 'I surrender' pose. "Lay off, pal, I was only playing around.... yeeesh."  
  
Wufei flipped his hair over his shoulder. "Well, I don't find your tactics amusing, you big... freak."  
  
Duo smiled cheekily. "I love you too." Wufei was about to swing his bag into Duo's side when Duo pointed up the hallway. "I'll be damned... lookit that, Wu-man."  
  
"Huh?" Wufei looked where Duo was pointing to see Relena standing on Dorothy Catalonia's back, stapling up large neon pink posters. Once the two girls were gone, Duo and Wufei went to investigate.  
  
"C'mon, Wufei... we're stopping by MY house. I have a plan." Duo said, grabbing Wufei by the wrist.  
  
"Don't tell me you're thinking of stooping to her level?" Wufei asked dreadfully.  
  
"Of course not..." Duo said. "But, I'm willing to go just a few inches ABOVE her level. Now c'mon! We have work to do!" The braided one practically dragged his partner-in-crime the whole way to his house.  
  
  
**TUESDAY**  
  
Wufei staggered out the front door of Duo's house with his arms full of neon blue posterboards. "WHY WON'T YOU CARRY SOME OF THESE TOO!?"  
  
Duo looked over his shoulder. "Because I made breakfast for you." He adjusted his rear view mirror and winked at his reflection.  
  
"You made breakfast to lure me to your house at 5:30 in the morning to help you with these damn posters."  
  
"I washed the dishes afterwards."  
  
"It's YOUR HOUSE! You're supposed to!"  
  
"I...um... I'm driving us to school."  
  
Wufei shoved the last of the posters into the backseat. "It's MY jeep, baka."  
  
"...I knew that." Duo said defeated as he slid into the passenger's side.  
  
As the two pulled into the school parking lot, they were graced with the sight of Relena selling cupcakes with little peace signs in the frosting.  
  
"Ooh cupcakes!" Duo shouted as he grabbed three of them.  
  
"Duo!" Wufei pulled on his friend's braid. "Don't fratternize with the enemy!" With that, he took the cupcakes from Duo's hands and set them back on the table Relena and Dorothy were sitting at. "Let's go, we've got posters to put up..."  
  
Duo and Wufei proceeded to plaster the walls of the school with Duo's campaign slogan: "Duo or Die".  
  
Wufei signed as he put the last poster up. "It's a rather harsh message you're trying to convey, ne?"  
  
Duo stood back and admired his handiwork. "Not really. Basically, I'm saying vote for me, or you'll die."  
  
"I know you're intrested in all that Shinigami stuff, but really now-"  
  
"No no... I'm not going to kill the people who don't vote for me, they'll kill themselves. See, if I were supressed under Relena's rule, I'd kill myself too. All that peace shit would bore anyone to death."  
  
"You are strange, you know that?" Wufei ended the conversation as he walked off toward homeroom.  
  
Duo folded his arms dejectedly. "Oh yeah!? Wait 'till you hear my speech!"  
  
  
**WEDNESDAY**  
  
Po-sensei stood at the front of the classroom holding a small sheet of yellow notepaper. "Class, if I could get your attention for just a moment.... There's a new student coming into class today, and I want you all to make him feel welcome. His name is..." She opened the piece of paper. "Heero Yuy."  
  
After he heard his name, a boy about 17 or so entered the classroom.   
  
"Class, this is Heero. Heero came here all the way from L-1! Okay now young man, you can sit in the back there, between Relena and Duo." She pointed to the empty desk between the two rivals.  
  
"Hai..." Heero said quietly taking his seat.  
  
Both Relena's eyes and Duo's eyes were on the new guy as he sat down. Heero, unsure of how to handle the situation simply ignored them.  
  
Relena suddenly looked in Hirde's direction, poking the girl beside her.  
  
"Hey! Quit that!" Hirde said. "Relena, what do you want?"  
  
Relena jerked her head in Duo and Heero's direction. "Looks like you've got some competition, eh?"  
  
"Competition?" Hirde asked.  
  
"Yeah, everyone knows that you like Duo."   
  
Hirde was shocked. "OH MY GOD! THEY DO!?!?"  
  
"Well, you're not exactly subtle, Hirde." Relena said, once her hearing returned.  
  
"Ohh but I can't help myself! He's soooo cute!" Little hearts floated around Hirde's head.  
  
Relena sweatdropped. "Uh-huh..."  
  
"Duo Maxwell will be MINE one day! Ohhh just listen: Hirde Maxwell. Oooooh it sounds perfect!" By now, Hirde was standing on her desk, proclaiming her love for young Duo.  
  
"Anou... Hirde... get down." Relena said quietly.  
  
"Huh?" Hirde blinked a few times before realizing how dumb she looked standing on a desk. "Oops!" She quickly sat back down in her seat and sulked.  
  
Relena shook her head sadly.  
  
"...and then this fat dude infront of me dropped his keys and you could TOTALLY see his ass crack! Funny, eh Hee-chan?"  
  
'Noooo! You won't take him from me, too Duo! This is a contest I intend to WIN!' Relena thought as she looked at Duo and Heero. They had been talking the whole time Relena was trying to get Hirde to interfere.  
  
"Ne, Hee-chan, wanna go to my house afterschool?" Duo asked.  
  
'Hee-chan?! He's calling him 'Hee-chan?!'  
  
"Hn..." Heero had to think this over. A strange boy dressed in a preists' outift had asked him to come to his house... ahh screw it, he was nice. So why not?  
  
"Okay, Duo. That sounds fun, I guess." Heero answered.  
  
"Cool!" Duo said happily.  
  
"NO!" Relena shouted, grabbing Heero's arm.  
  
"Um, excuse me..." Heero started.  
  
"You can't go home with Duo! HE'LL KILL YOU!"  
  
"Kill him!? You psycho broad!" Duo latched himself onto Heero's other arm.  
  
"Duo is this true?" Heero asked.  
  
"NO!" Duo answered. At the same time, Relena shouted a loud "YES!"  
  
Heero was now being pulled on both sides. On one end, Relena was tugging away, on the other, Duo was hanging on for dear life. Heero wouldn't be able to take much more.  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
Heero was now at his limit. "OMAE O KOROSU!!!"  
  
The tugging instantly stopped and Duo and Relena were silent... as well as rest of the classroom too.  
  
"Relena, Duo, and Heero, all three of you go to the principal's office right now!" Po-sensei shouted.  
  
The trio trudged out the door, sulking.  
  
Wufei snorted. "Bakas..."  
  
  
Soon...  
  
"If you three sit down, Treize-sama will see you shortly." Secretary Une said.   
  
Duo rolled his eyes. "Why does she call him 'Treize-sama' anyway?"  
  
"His position commands a lot of respect. And so will mine once I win the election Friday." Relena said snootily.  
  
"Oi! You are NOT gonna win! I AM!" Duo argued.  
  
"Please... who'd vote for you? The other 3 gay students?" Relena said cockily.  
  
Duo took a dive at Relena with his hands open, ready to strangle her. "There's more than 3 of us, you whore!"  
  
Heero moved out of the way quickly and watched the cat fight.  
  
"Bitch!"  
  
"Queer!"  
  
"Whore!"  
  
"Fag!"  
  
"Skank!"  
  
"Fairy!"  
  
"OI! BREAK IT UP YOU TWO!"  
  
The two fighting teens looked up from eachother and saw their principal standing there, looking none too pleased.  
  
Duo was the first to stand up and bow an apology. "Gomen nasai, Khushrenada-san."  
  
Relena pushed him out of the way and flipped her hair. "That... that HOMO started it!"  
  
Duo grabbed a chunk of her hair. "It was this cunt, it's HER fault!"  
  
Another fight broke out.  
  
"THAT'S IT!" Treize yelled. "The BOTH of you are expelled from the election on Friday!"  
  
"NOOOOOO!" Relena and Duo screamed.  
  
  
Later...  
  
Wufei patted Duo on the back on their drive home. "It's okay, Duo. It was just a stupid election anyway."  
  
Duo pouted. "But I could have proven once and fo all that I'm better than her."  
  
Heero sat there confused in the backseat. "Umm, I have a small question here..."  
  
Duo turned around in his seat. "What's up, Hee-chan?"  
  
"Hee-chan?" Wufei whispered to himself. "I'll have to fix that..."  
  
Heero looked thoughtful. "Why do you and Relena hate eachother so much?"  
  
Duo sighed. "It was a looooooooooong time ago. She kinda.. stole my boyfriend..."  
  
Heero's jaw dropped. "You're GAY!?"  
  
It was Duo's turn to look shocked. "You can't tell?"  
  
Heero shook his head. "No."  
  
Wufei rolled his eyes. "Well he's damn obvious to me."  
  
Heero leaned up towards the front seat. "Could you just take me to my house? I have a lot of homework..."  
  
Wufei nodded. "Sure, I guess, just tell me when to turn."  
  
"Alright." Heero said.  
  
Duo frowned. 'Did I scare Heero away?' he wondered.  
  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"Ohh Dorothy, it's so horrible! I can't run in the election now! And this was my chance to prove once and for all that I'm better than Duo!" Relena clung to her best friend and biggest fan.   
  
Dorothy hugged her reassuringly. "Don't worry, Relena-sama. We'll figure something out. I'm sure someone as smart and beautiful as you can think of a plan that will surely work."  
  
Relena smiled. "Dorothy, you're so good to me..."  
  
Dorothy smiled cattily. "I know, Relena-sama."  
  
Relena, being as dense as she is, had never figured out, in all the time that she knew Dorothy, that the other girl had a crush on her... go figure. She laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling. "We need to come up with something big... something Duo won't see coming..."  
  
***  
  
"What do you suppose that is, Duo?" Wufei asked.  
  
***  
  
"Easy," Relena said. "You're going to..."  
  
***  
  
"...run in my place, Wu-man..." Duo said with a wink.  
  
***  
  
Dorothy's jaw dropped. "You know that I'd do anything for you, Relena-sama, but this is..."  
  
***  
  
"...absolutely OUT of the question!" Wufei said in resentment.  
  
"Aww, c'mon, Wu-man..."  
  
***  
  
"Pleaaaaaaase?" Relena begged. "I'll let you have..."  
  
***  
  
"...whatever you want." Duo said, trying to get Wufei to help him.  
  
***  
  
Dorothy grinned and licked her lips.  
  
***  
  
"Anything?" Wufei asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Duo nodded. "Any..."  
  
***  
  
"... thing." Relena assured her friend. "So how about it?"  
  
"Well, how can I say no?" Dorothy said, taking Relena's shoes off. "Now let's get your feet rubbed."  
  
Relena leaned he head back and sighed in contentment. If anyone knew how to relieve her tension, it was Dorothy and her footrubs.  
  
***  
  
"Ahh... I love it when you brush my hair, Wu-man, you're such a good friend..." Duo sighed.  
  
Wufei smirked. "I know."  
  
  
  
  
So who won? Is it really that important? Wufei and Dorothy both won if you think about it, heh heh. Want a REAL ending? Gimme some C & C then! =^_^= Jaaa!!!  
  
~Shinigami Baby 


End file.
